Posts Tagged Bacon

No Time to Cook Bacon? No Problem!

Sometimes fate has a cruel sense of humor and finds a way to put distance between a person and what matters most in their life: Bacon.

Thanks to all the recent developments in Bacon Technology times like these no longer have to rob a person of the flavor they love. See below for an example of a real-life situation where a scientific bacon breakthrough can save your… bacon:

Example: You wake up later than usual one morning with a throbbing headache most likely caused by the… pollen and pollution in the air. All those imported beers or stiff drinks you had the night before (until 2 AM) had nothing to do with it.

You barely have enough time to shower, get dressed, and get out the door. Fortunately for you, though, you boiled some eggs the night before (while drunk) thinking you would have plenty of time to cook some bacon, sit down with a few eggs, have somewhat of a normal breakfast, and read the newspaper headlines.

Cancel THAT play, ya’ stinkin’ lush. Now you will have to eat the hard boiled eggs on the way to work or get in trouble for getting there late — again. You, my friend, have successfully screwed yourself out of bacon this morning.

Or have you? Maybe not! You’ll STILL have to eat the eggs on your way to work… but if you pour some bacon salt in the baggie with the eggs, and shake appropriately, you’ll get some bacon flavor in every bite!

Thank you, bacon salt, for saving the day! We love you!

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Bacon Found to Cure Depression

The other day I found myself in a ‘down and out’ kind of mood and just did not know what to do with myself — so I did nothing and laid around the house most of the day feeling sorry for myself.

On several occasions my girlfriend had tried to cheer me up by comforting me and all that good stuff, but for some reason I just couldn’t snap out of the funky rut in which my mind had gotten itself stuck.

Then, as a final and desperate attempt to bring me back from the Land of Despair, she slipped into… the kitchen and began cooking a few lonely strips of bacon.

Lonely Bacon Strips

Within seconds of smelling that wonderful smoky scent in the air I immediately perked up and asked, “Uh, dear? I think I smell some market bacon cooking. No complaints here, but what possessed you to cook bacon at this hour of the afternoon? That’s not like you.”

“I did it… for you,” she replied.

Damn… my heart melted like bacon grease on a hot stove.

note: This article has zero medical worth despite the fact that bacon kicks ass and takes names!

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Bacon is My Co-Pilot

First off, let me say that I have once again embarrassed myself by taking a lousy photograph… but as usual I don’t really care. This site has nothing to do with photography and everything to do with… BACON!

This morning I found myself running late because I opted to take care of a few matters around the house before leaving for work. Common sense told me to just put my shoes on, grab what I needed, and head out the front door.

As usual I told common sense to ‘shove it’ and common sense… shoved back by delivering the perfect recipe for ‘late to work’. At times like this many people would begin to pray that the traffic lights stay green, pray that police officers have all taken a break from catching outrageous speeders on the highway, and pray that a good parking spot will open up right outside the office.

Hence the reason, I believe, for all those ‘God is My Co-Pilot’ stickers on people’s cars.

I don’t have one of those, or any, bumper stickers on my car. I have something far better and a lot less controversial than an overt proclamation of my religious beliefs on my ride:

Bacon is My Co-Pilot
+ Bacon is My Co-Pilot +

Does this mean I don’t believe in God or some other Holy Entity? Of course I do! I mean, like, seriously… Where ELSE do you think something as delectable and lovable as bacon came from?!?!?

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Bacon Infused Chocolate Bar

As much as we LOVE eating, smelling and even just talking about bacon and its meaty glory, sometimes we stumble across a bacon item that makes us… wonder how much weed (marijuana, kind bud, herb, etc.) a person had to smoke in order to come up with such an idea.

Culinary experts have successfully blended a large number of sweet and salty flavors for hundreds of years so why not combine the sweetness of fine chocolate and the salty goodness of bacon, right? With that said, we now present “Bacon Infused Chocolate” for your viewing pleasure:

Bacon Infused Chocolate Bar

A friend of ours found this bacon infused chocolate treat in a gourmet foods store which sold a variety of unique foods — some of which she said would probably not get sold at all, to anyone, if they didn’t have inflated pricetags and the word ‘gourmet’ plastered all over their labels.

Verdict: The bacon infused chocolate bar did not win our hearts despite having bacon in it. This may have happened because we felt the bacon had too smoky a flavor to it and it reminded us more of bacon flavoring than actual bacon and we don’t really get down with sweets all that often. Just not our thing, ya’ know?

Oh, and let us not forget that the candy bar cost someone we know seven or eight dollars. She could have gotten two (or more) pounds of actual real bacon for that much money!

Rating: 1 bacon slice out of 5… and that’s only ‘cuz we refuse to use fractions and nothing w/ bacon in it, no matter how horrible, deserves a rating of 0 slices.

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Bacon Wrapped… Kielbasa Links!

If the very thought of taking meat and wrapping MORE meat around it does not make your mouth water, did you hit your head recently or did you get abducted by a roving band of vegetarians who brainwashed the common sense right out of you? No offense to any vegetarians reading this — as if any would anyways!

So anyways, we saw bacon in the fridge and a pack of kielbasa links. Naturally after some quick mathematics, and a few cold beers, we put two and two together… and came up with six. See below.

Bacon Wrapped Kielbasa Links

Gorgeous little meaty bastards, ain’t they? Makes you wanna’ fire up the grill, crank up the oven, or break out the crack torch… and cook ‘em up nice and tasty like!

We apologize for the bad grammar in that last paragraph. Not really, but we figured some of you fools might actually think we care about things like… feelings. Look, pal, we love bacon, meat and more bacon. We have no time for your silly little… feelings.

Please accept our apologies for the lame attempt at an apology contained in the previous paragraph… even though we meant every word we said. Wrote. Whatever.

Can we PLEASE get to the cooked bacon wrapped kielbasa links now?

Bacon Wrapped Kielbasa Links

There you have it, folks… big wieners wrapped in a slimy pink salty and stretchy sheath.

WTF? Sorry for that last description. The bacon wrapped kielbasa links looked and tasted fabulous. We didn’t mean to gross anyone out.

Actually, yes we did. Can you tell we didn’t take our meds AND downed a fifth of vodka tonight? Ha ha…

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Review of Hormel Black Label Bacon

Welcome to another MoreBaconPlease.Com Bacon Review. This time we spotted a name brand bacon (Hormel Black Label) at a good price at the grocery store and just HAD to pick some up. Actually we picked up two packages, but shhhhh…. Don’t tell anyone.

We had long wanted to try the Hormel Black Label Bacon because it looked so good in its package but the steep prices stores charged always kept it from winding up in our shopping cart.

So anyways, we hopped home in a hurry to begin the bacon sampling ‘cuz our bacon instincts told us we would find this particular sampling quite enjoyable. We could hardly wait to rip off that plastic and view the Hormel Black Label Bacon in all its meaty glory!

Wow. Just LOOK at the nice, solid chunks of pink/red meaty streaks in this stuff. We definitely liked what we saw so far and thought, “Wow. This bacon will look GREAT in a pan!”

So naturally, like good little bacon lovers, we broke out the trusty frying pan and lined it with strips of our recently purchased meat strips. Seemed only right to us, ya’ know? Have Bacon, Must Cook!

Oh geez. In our haste to get to the end of this blog posting (where we stuff our faces with bacon) we forgot to mention a really cool feature of the Hormel Black Label Bacon: Its smell!

The bacon had a wonderful smoky aroma to it right out of the package. Now don’t get it twisted. We don’t mean the bacon smacked us in the scent catchers with a cheap, chemical smoke flavoring odor. OUR bacon smelled delightful. We picked up hints of hickory and a bit of molasses or something slightly sweet.

Now back to the bacon cooking… which we ought to have paid more attention to the first round. Oops. Apparently beer drinking and making fun of each other distracted us and the first batch came out a little, um, crispy.

Ha ha. Still tasted GREAT, though! We didn’t overcook it TOO badly and we paid a lot more attention the second batch we cooked.

This naturally brings us to the issue of ‘bacon grease generated after cooking 8 strips’. Some poeple don’t care about this statistic, but we do.

Why? Aside from disliking the feeling we get when hot bacon grease pops out of the pan repeatedly and onto our skin, we figure that more grease left in the pan after cooking means less material to put in our mouths.

So without further ado, please give a warm welcome to the grease left after cooking TEN pieces of Hormel Black Label Bacon. Why ten this time? Simple: We had room in the pan for one extra strip each round of cooking. Duh!

Yep. The Hormel Black Label Bacon cooked up deliciously and left a very respectably low amount of grease in the pan after ten pieces.

Conclusions:

We will buy this bacon again as long as the sale price stays in effect. It had a great meaty appearance in its uncooked state and gave off what we considered a ‘good’ and ‘authentic’ smoky aroma before cooking.

While cooking it didn’t generate a tone of bacon grease and yes, of course the whole house smelled like bacon during and after the cooking process. We never can get enough of that smell, either. Go figure.

Taste and texture of the Hormel Black Label socred quite highly with us. Good bacon meat flavor mixed with just the right amount of saltiness. We had plenty to chew on but the chewing never became tedious.

So in the end, we chose to give Hormel Black Label Bacon a score of 4 strips (out of five). Why only four? We think the product rocks, yes, but with its normal pricing as high as we have previously seen it, well, you figure it out.

Cheap bastards? Us? Yes! Paying too much for ANYthing, even bacon, will NEVER make sense to us.

Now can anyone loan us a few bucks so we can get a few slabs of bacon? We’ll gladly pay you next Friday for some bacon today… :)

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Chicken Wrapped Bacon?

The name “Chicken Wrapped Bacon” sounded like something we would create in our own kitchen when we had two things available to us: chicken and bacon. So therefore, we believed we knew what to expect:


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  • a super fat marinated chicken breast stuffed with bacon or;
  • a cornish game hen with a few pounds of bacon rammed up its butt or;
  • a live chicken running around with strips of pork, beef or turkey products clogging its rear blow hole

The first two options we could handle but the third, no way. Thankfully we just threw that third option in for a bit of humor. Kinda’ like the reason why we threw a few silly pictures into this post.


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So anyways, we learned of this new dish from a friend of a friend of a friend who knows a guy that once played poker with the guy who runs the restaurant where they serve this dish. The restaurant, Four Moons in Orangeburg, SC, has a reputation for having some really cool, really tasty and really unique offerings on its menus.

To quote off the Four Moons Dinner Menu, “Chicken Wrapped Bacon” consists of…

Pan Roasted Chicken Breast Wrapped Around Slow Roasted Pork Belly, with Yukon Potato Butter Sauce, Crispy Parsnips, and Spinach with Gruyere.

Wow. Not quite anything from the list of three possibilities we thought of, but damn that sounds good. We can practically taste the juices from the pork belly oozing through the chicken meat as we write this.

Hopefully someone will get us a picture of this dish ‘cuz… well, we want one!

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Bacon Review: Fresh ‘Market Bacon’

At first we had some confusion over the term ‘market bacon’ because we picked this More Bacon Please blog posting’s selection up from a local butcher shop. It seemed more logical to us that market bacon ought to come from a supermarket and after a heated exchange amongst ourselves on the topic, we decided to say, “Ah Hell… Let’s just cook the f’ing bacon and see what happens.

With the nomenclature issue behind us, we carefully unwrapped our parcel of fresh cut market bacon and laid it out on the counter. We had some doubts right off the bat. It looked… very fatty and also it seemed as though they had sliced it extremely thin.

Raw Market Bacon From Local Butcher Shop

We had some difficulty separating the slices due to their thin nature, but we quickly got our slices of market bacon into the pan to see how they would handle the heat. We opted for a smaller pan since all our larger ones had, um, well, not gotten cleaned before we started our experiment with the market bacon.

No one ever SAID we would get a prize from Better Homes and Gardens for housekeeping, but we also don’t live like TOTAL slobs…. usually. But never mind that. Let’s get back to the bacon!

Market Bacon Cooking

Within seconds of heat hitting the market bacon strips we heard popping and sizzling. Though we adore the sound of bacon cooking, that much popping and sizzling from bacon so early in the cooking process would certainly mean our bacon strips would generate a TON of bacon grease.

Yep. After only EIGHT strips of market bacon had gone into the pan we had to perform an Emergency De-Greasing of the pan AND wipe down the stove. Despite using a modest heat level we still had a massive number of bacon grease splatter marks all over the stove, counter and floor next to the stove.

Now let us remind you that the following quanitity of bacon grease came from ONLY eight strips of bacon…

Market Bacon Made a Lot of Bacon Grease

Some people would have given up hope at this point and written the concept of market bacon off completely because of the grease given off. Those people don’t really love bacon and clearly ought to hand over all their supply of bacon to the real bacon lovers in this world — namely us.

Ther strips held their long slender shapes quite well during the cooking process and gave off what we called a ‘traditional’ bacon smell. Their color developed into a nice shade of brown and when placed on a plate and blotted gently with a paper towel they looked pretty darn tasty.

Market Bacon Cooked and Ready to Eat

Time to put appearance, smell and grease production aside… and give market bacon its most important test: We call it the “Stuffing a Piece into One’s Face Test” and we don’t mind signing up as guinea pigs for this one. Consider it our sacrifice for the sake of other bacon lovers worldwide.

  • Crunchy. Varied cooking times did not seem to change this characteristic too much. Not too crunchy, as each piece still seemed to have some meatiness to it that required chewing.
  • Salty. This type of bacon definitely had some serious sodium. It didn’t parch us to the point where we felt the need to shotgun beers immediately after each piece, but we definitely noticed the salt.
  • Not as greasy as we initially expected. With all those gallons (not literally) of bacon grease we siphoned off with a sump pump (somewhat exaggerated) we expected the bacon to have a slimy, soggy, greasy finish — but it didn’t. Totally cool with OUR tastebuds.

Conclusion:

Not at all what we expected to get from a butcher shop and we decided that the term ‘market’ in market bacon’s name referred to its remarkable similarity in appearance, taste, texture, and ability to produce copious amounts of grease in a very short period of time. Definitely a great bacon to choose if entertaining a large group for breakfast or brunch and you want to serve a bacon that pretty much everyone will like because it DOES so closely resemble most common bacons from the supermarket.

We would like to note that we do not recommend market bacon for a BLT or other bacon-oriented dish where meatiness of the bacon would make or break the project.

In the end we give “market bacon” a final rating of 3 strips (out of 5).

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Twenty Seconds of Sizzle

Yep. Sometimes a man has to go w/o the things he loves most in life. Sometimes, bacon makes that list. EGADS!

But anyways, for all out there who have gone w/o bacon today, this sizzle’s for you!

If the video does not play w/in a few seconds, you can See The Video by Clicking Here

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Get Clean With Bacon

Ever wake up with that ‘not so fresh’ feeling? Of course you have! You’re a dirty bastard and you stink! Therefore you must get up and go wash. Go Wash! Go Wash With Bacon!

Bacon Soap

Question: How many stoners have accidentally bitten the soap ‘cuz they smoked too much weed and got confused?

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