Posts Tagged Bacon

Properly Stocked Pre-Weekend Fridge

A while back we found ourselves faced with an upcoming weekend… for which we thanked the Sun, Moon, Stars and, of course, the Bacon Gods. In preparation for the joyous event we stocked up on all the necessities:

  • Beer
  • Tequila
  • Vodka
  • More Beer
  • Margarita Mix
  • More Tequila
  • Bacon
  • Eggs
  • More Bacon
  • … and a Fire Extinguisher

If you have to ask WHY we would need a fire extinguisher, you have OBVIOUSLY never attended one of our famous outdoor gatherings around the bonfire… the bonfire that lights up the light sky and resembles an atomic explosion to neighbors 50 miles away.

Granted we usually keep a garden hose handy for these events, but sometimes drunk people like to get a little too close to the fire and experience has taught us that chasing a flaming drunk around with a garden hose doesn’t always work out as planned. A fire extinguisher comes as a convenient, self-contained unit with no long tail attached to the house which can and WILL knock damn near EVERYthing in the backyard over as you chase down a flaming, drunken retard you call your best friend on any other day.

Yep. We really should have taken pictures from that weekend. On second thought, stuff like that can end up in a Court of Law. Never mind. We’ll stick with the few, fuzzy, and severely alcohol diluted memories we can remember.

Less jail time that way.

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Bacon Wrapped Chicken Tenderloins

Do we ever get tired of bacon and chicken? Never! To even ASK such thing equals bacon blasphemy and we don’t STAND for that kind of talk ’round these parts!

“All praise be to bacon. You are salty. You are meaty. We love you, Bacon! Amen.”

Getting back to the point of this blog entry, we snagged some chicken tenderloins on sale at the local grocery store and instantly knew what to do with them: Wrap Them in Bacon.

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Tenderloins
Bacon Wrapped Chicken Tenderloins

Please note that we do NOT normally splurge on chicken tenderloins. Ordinarily we find the pricing of that food item as ridiculous and absurd as gasoline prices a few years ago. The idea of spending $4.99 per pound (or more) for little strips of chicken offends us because money wasted on overpriced chicken could have gotten used to buy an extra pack of Center Cut Bacon, more beer, or BOTH.

Right before we shoved these puppies under the broiler we had the idea of battering them up and deep frying them… but that idea went nowhere. We don’t own a deep fryer and the idea of all that hot grease landing on one of us ‘cuz we drunkenly bumped into while trying to explain why goats and sheep sound so much alike did not sound all that entertaining.

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Bacon Garnished Shrimp

On this particular evening we found ourselves mildly buzzed from a day of drinking copious amounts of tequila colored lightly w/ margarita mix… and in possession of shrimp and bacon. What to do, what to do…

Then the idea struck us: Get out a big knife and drunkenly cut up some bacon into garnish-like strips and wrap each shrimp! BRILLIANT!

Bacon Garnished Shrimp
Bacon Garnished Shrimp — On the Burner?!? Ha ha!

Needless to say, the combination of ‘large knife, greasy bacon and drunken fingers’ entertained us for quite a while. No one went to the hospital, surprisingly, and not one piece of bacon OR shrimp fell on the floor during the preparation process.

Pretty much all of US, though, DID fall on the floor at some point after we enjoyed our lovely little bacony seafood morsels.

Tequila… it reminds you that gravity works, and works WELL.

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Bacon, Chicken, Provolone & Jalapenos

Now if THIS meal does not make ya’ say, “Yum….” then check your pulse ‘cuz we think you might have passed away and not known it.

The combination of bacon, grilled (marinated) chicken breast, fresh sliced jalapenos and provolone cheese kicks major amounts of ass — and can BURN one’s ass the next day if too many jalapenos get used. Ha ha.

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Topped w/ Jalapeno Slices and Provolone Cheese
Bacon + Chicken + Provolone + Jalapenos = Awesome

Notice we even included a vegetable on the plate this time? Yep. Broccoli works as an excellent side dish with a bacon, chicken and cheese creation.

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Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns… We Had to Try It

Every once in a great while we get the urge to combine bacon with… pretty much anything we can get our hands on. This time we drank a few too many screwdrivers (that’s vodka and OJ… in case you didn’t know) BEFORE breakfast and thought, “Hey! Wrap the hashbrown thingies in bacon… and bake!”

“Yes, Sir, Captain Belvedere! That sounds like a GREAT idea!”

* burp *

Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns
Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns

The house started to smell pretty good as the slippery meat slowly drained its meaty juices into the hashbrowns and the hasbrowns drank up every drop.

Wow. That sounded pretty obscene.

But anyways, the cooking took place and soon we ventured back to the oven which we keep over near the fridge — the fridge that conveniently held the vodka and OJ. After doling out another round of 22 ounce pre-breakfast brain bashers and giving them a hearty taste test, we opened up the oven and saw…

Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns
Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns

Needless to say we did not get the results we thought we would, but everything turned out OK in the end… ‘cuz it tasted fine and we had no choice BUT to eat the stuff since we had nothing else in the house worth eating and none of us could pass a sobriety test if we got pulled over.

All this before 9 AM. Saturdays ROCK!

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Have a Threesome With Bacon!

Oh, you filthy-minded bacon lovers! I bet you thought you would see something DIRTY when you clicked the link and got to this page! Ha ha.

Threesome With Bacon
Black Pepper Bacon, Plumrose Premium Bacon and… You!

Well who doesn’t get all excited when they think about bacon and s-e-x, right? If the thought of getting into it with two hot, lean, salty types of bacon doesn’t get your motor running, you should seek professional help!

Here… Let our Bacon Nurses show you to your room…

The Bacon BraBacon Bikini Girls

We hope you enjoy the happy ending bacon massage! Ha ha…

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Bacon Breakfast for the Working Man?

Now we SUPPOSE you think we will show you a giant platter piled high with eggs, bacon, more bacon, some hashbrowns, and another gigantic portion of bacon. Although that DOES sound like an absolutley f’ing wonderful idea, we ran low on funds and could only afford to show you the following ‘Bacon Breakfast of the Working Man’.

Bacon Breakfast of the Working Man

While the above breakfast lacks any real character and charm, it does contain a lot of vitamins and nutrients. It also has bacon. ‘Nuff said!

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Diet Bacon Dew?

Do you have problems in the mornings that involve running out of time to sit down to a good, healthy breakfast? Do you frequently find yourself running around like a headless chicken as you scramble to get your oversleeping ass out the door and on your way to work?

If so, then you have probably had some interesting food items next to you on the front seat of your car before… kinda’ like the pic below, perhaps?

Diet Mountain Dew and Bacon for Breakfast

You, too, can experience a moment like we did if you cook the bacon the night before. Then simply hit ‘snooze’ too many times the next morning, run around trying to get ready for work in half the time you really need, grab the bacon and diet dew, and get on down the road.

Not the healthiest breakfast in the world, no, but it DOES contain bacon and caffeine… so shut the Hell up and enjoy!

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How Not to Cook Bacon

For most (rational) people, the idea of bacon not making sense does not compute. Square peg does not fit in the round hole and two plus two does not equal five, ya’ know what we mean?

So anyways, bacon equals bliss and we know of not one single time when bacon does not make sense. With that said, we DO know of an improper way to cook bacon, and naturally, we witnessed this near-calamity in our own home after a long night of drinking… and discussing bacon.

Do Not Cook Bacon This Way

While we do not know for sure if the person who began the bacon cooking process meant to lay this out and proceed with the cooking as shown or not, because they passed out on the balcony, we do know that this particular bacon situation would have resulted in a Bacon Disaster.

No one likes a Bacon Disaster. No one.

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Bacon… Carolina Pride Style!

We don’t know of a single bacon lover on this planet that does not appreciate and enjoy the sights, smells, and sounds associated with bacon cooking in a pan. To a tried and true bacon lover, even the crappiest bacon in Earth sizzling in a pan will still draw saliva.

With that said, we want ALL of you to think of the one brand of bacon that others knock, but you still buy… because it doesn’t break the bank, cooks up pretty decently, etc., etc. For everyday bacon cooking events ot OUR house we stand by the “Carolina Pride” brand of bacon. Thick sliced, if possible, please.

We may have to weed through a few packs of bacon in the store searching for the pack that looks the way we want it to in terms of its fat-to-meat ratio, but we never leave the bacon aisle emptyhanded and Carolina Pride (Thick Cut) bacon always cooks up in a way that we enjoy.

Sheesh… All this talk about Carolina Pride bacon has made me hungry.

Carolina Pride Bacon in the Pan

Wow. If a site like THAT doesn’t get you bacon motors running then you may have died… and become a vegetarian! lol.

Now go out and buy that favorite bacon brand you like so much and cook up some bacon right now! That’s a direct order, soldier!

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