Archive for category Raw Bacon

Bacon Review: Pepper Coated Bacon

Like serial killers trying to relive the moment of their last kill, we have returned to the scene of the crime… and brought with us some black pepper coated bacon for the ride! So, so tasty!

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

The black pepper coated bacon that captured the attention of our tastebuds comes from WalMart… and it comes in 24 ounce packages instead of 12 or 16 ounce packages like most other brands.

After doing a little math, and comparison shopping, we discovered that the per ounce cost for the pepper coated bacon exceeds the per ounce costs of ‘regular’ bacon by only a few pennies and that it does not come anywhere near the (inflated!) per ounce costs of some ‘premium’ brands of bacon.

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

Bacon that looks great, smells great, cooks great, tastes great… and doesn’t break the bank. How can any rational bacon-loving person not love THAT?

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

Ever get shot at… by bacon? We have. Not so much with this kind of bacon, though. Yeah, sure, it takes a few cheap shots at you like ALL bacon does when it cooks, but at least THIS type of bacon has yet to put bacon grease stains two feet the wall behind the stove like several other types have.

Now substitute your face for the wall. Yes. Bacon grease can and will go after your face from time to time so always keep your guard up when cooking even the finest grade of bacon.

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

If the site of that bacon does not make you start drooling, you really ought to check your pulse. Seriously.

Now if you will please excuse us, we have to go and get us some bacon! All this talk about bacon has made us HUNGRY!

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Bacon Review: Plumrose Premium Bacon

We have never figured out for sure what makes a product ‘premium’, though we have noticed that things labeled as premium tend to cost more… so perhaps if you want something you manufacture to become ‘premium’, just raise the price, right?

Seems silly, and once more we digress from our intended topic… BACON!

Today’s bacon review features Plumrose Premium Bacon which normally comes with a pricetag that we don’t like… but we found it for a really great sale recently so here goes nothing!

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now that you have seen the packaging, which really did not inspire any feelings of bacon lust or bacon desire within our souls, we will now show you raw, naked bacon up close and personal. Parental discretion advised.

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Wow! Did you see the size of her… Huh? Oh, right. Gotta’ keep this PG-13. Ha ha.

So anyways, the bacon looked pretty damn good laying out all naked like that… so we just HAD to turn up the heat, ya’ know?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now who wants to see a ‘before and after’ picture featuring… bacon?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Verdict: We felt this bacon definitely lived up to its ‘premium’ labeling despite not costing us a week’s wages. It gave off a really good smell right out of the pack and cooked up relatively easily w/o shooting an excessive number of hot grease globs at us (see August 10, 2009′s Bacon Review: Fresh Market Bacon). We award Plumrose Premium Bacon 3.81 slices (out of 5) and suggest you try it next time it goes on sale.

Why wait for it to go on sale? Simple: Even bacon tastes better when you get it for less money, stupid!

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Bacon Review: Oscar Mayer Thick Cut

Gather around, folks, and get ready for another fascinating tale of wizardry, high-flying motorcycle stunts, bare knuckle brawling and… bacon. OK, so we lied about the wizardry, high-flying motorcycle stunts, and bare knuckle brawling.

At any rate, we had this particular bacon on our Bacon Radar for a long time before we actually got around to buying it. Why did it take so long? Simple: Pretty much every store always had the Oscar Mayer brand of bacon priced way too damn high for our budget… until now, obviously, and only ‘cuz Wal-Mart had it on sale.

So yes, indeed, folks, we will now get to live out our Oscar Mayer fantasy. Damn, that sounded perverted. Forget I said that.

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

We think too many people forget the importance of taking the time to select the correct package of bacon while in the grocery store. As we stand there comparing the marbling and colors found in each unique package at least two or three people (usually on the phone gabbing about useless crap) walk up, look for a particular brand or sale price, grab the first pack of bacon they see that fits their criteria, and head off to the next item on their shopping list.

Over the years we have hypothesized that the same people who haphazardly choose their bacon probably also park illegally in handicapped spots, run red lights at dangerous intersections, abuse puppies and kittens with frayed steel cables, cheat on their spouses with members of the same sex, and routinely watch primetime sitcoms about pregnant gophers bashing each other genitals with flaming phlegm balls.

People like that don’t DESERVE bacon! But I digress…

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

At first we feared that our eagerness to sink our fangs into the Oscar Mayer bacon would result in our giving an unfair, biased opinion about the product but worry not, friends, because we love bacon waaaaay too much to EVER steer you wrong… when it comes to bacon, at least. lol.

Don’t EVER ask us for advice on your love life, tax problems, car trouble or if that bathing suit makes you look fat… ‘cuz it DOES.

Geting back to the bacon, you could clearly see that we picked a prime package of bacon that day. Now you get to see what we saw when we put the bacon in the pan…

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

Wow. So meaty and so sexy laying in that pan getting all hot’n'bothered.

Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter, OK?

Now you can yell at us if you like for not posting a picture of the Oscar Mayer Thick Cut after cooking. We would LOVE to tell you that our Inner Bacon Beasts took over caused us to wolf down the meat as soon as it cooled down enough to get it into our mouths… but we can’t lie to you like that.

Pretty much right as we finished cooking the bacon a group of angry terrorist crackheads burst through the front door of our humble bacon-loving home and stole all of our electronic devices in the name of their leader, Prince Dookiepants the Terrbile from Toledo, Ohio. Before we knew what happened they had stolen everything and left us only with the clothes on our backs and the bacon on our stove.

After calling the Police from a neighbor’s phone we returned homwe to ur recently ransacked abode, sat around the kitchen table eating bacon and bitching about life.

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

OK, so we actually just plain and simple forgot to take pictures. OOPS.

The bacon tasted great, though, and cooked up really well. No lame, shriveled up scraps of meat and not a ton of grease left over after cooking 8 pieces, either. Pretty darn impressive, right?

Verdict: We awarded Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon 4.5 strips (out of 5). What cost them that half a point? We got hungry and ate it… ‘cuz it tasted like bacon!

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Bacon Wrapped Ribeyes

The other day we found ourselves faced with a wonderful situation: We had beer, bacon AND a couple of ribeye steaks. Therefore we drank the beer and wrapped the bacon around the ribeyes. Seemed like the right thing to do. We suggest you try it sometime. Preferably on the day you ask us to come over for dinner. Ha ha!

Bacon Wrapped Ribeye Steaks

Please accept our deepest and most sincere apologies for not having pictures of the cooked bacon-wrapped ribeye steaks. We unfortunately drank all the beers we had at the house, got drunk, cooked the steaks, and ate without remembering to take pictures. Oops.

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How Not to Cook Bacon

For most (rational) people, the idea of bacon not making sense does not compute. Square peg does not fit in the round hole and two plus two does not equal five, ya’ know what we mean?

So anyways, bacon equals bliss and we know of not one single time when bacon does not make sense. With that said, we DO know of an improper way to cook bacon, and naturally, we witnessed this near-calamity in our own home after a long night of drinking… and discussing bacon.

Do Not Cook Bacon This Way

While we do not know for sure if the person who began the bacon cooking process meant to lay this out and proceed with the cooking as shown or not, because they passed out on the balcony, we do know that this particular bacon situation would have resulted in a Bacon Disaster.

No one likes a Bacon Disaster. No one.

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Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System

One can hardly watch TV these days without seeing one of those commercials where a person’s front door gets kicked in by a wannabe home invader, the home security alarm goes off, and the chickensh!t bad guy runs away like a little sissy. Blakk Frogg cannot STAND those commercials.

Haven't You Ever Seen a Chicken Sh!t Before?

Well anyways, those commercials suck and they really don’t portray the REAL problem with home security these days. Yeah, sure, the poser of a bad guy took off like a beaten poodle when the alarm went off ‘cuz the goofball smashed the door in, but what about the bacon, huh?

Does an alarm go off when some terrible soul decides to raid the fridge during a house party? The poor bacon gets left to fend for itself — a real travesty.

Poor, poor bacon left to the mercy of strangers rummaging through the fridge looking for anything they can get their hands on…

Well not at Blakk Frogg’s house! He went and got him a Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System. Yep. His bacon has 24 hour protection whether in the fridge, on the counter, or just coming the front door from the store.

Weighing somewhere around 10 pounds, the Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System requires very little maintenance, operates if the power goes out (w/o batteries), and does not rely on some putz earning minimum wage in a ‘high tech call center’.

See below for a picture of Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System in standby mode.

Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System

So there you have it, all you bacon thieves. We DARE you to try and steal MY bacon! You’ll lose so much skin so fast that even Hannibal Lechter will say, “Whoa, sir. That’s a lot of skin!”

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Applewood Smoked Bacon

We wrote about it, and now you wanna’ know more about it. Can’t say we blame you. The taste of Applewood Smoked Meats definitely merits some investigation. When you try it for yourself, you’ll know what we mean!

One thing we REALLY like about Applewood Bacon deals with its hearty, but not overwhelming, smoke flavor. Some woods used to smoke meats impart a thick, almost ‘solid’ wood flavor that makes us think we have accidentally bit into a hunk of charred wood — but not Applewood.

We like the Applewood. A lot.

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Back to the Hormel Black Label Bacon

The last time we talked about Hormel Black Label Bacon we praised it highly and started drooling as we typed its review. Though the review this time will not take as long, since we really hate to repeat ourselves and see no reason to bore you, it will suffice to say that we enjoyed the Hormel Black Label Bacon. Again.

As usual we opened up our latest pack of bacon all the way to get a good, close look at its marbled appearance and allow its smoky aroma to break free from the confines of the bacon’s hermetically sealed packaging. Then we layed it out all sexy like…

Hormel Black Label Bacon

Overly dramatic? We don’t think so. No true bacon lover would think so! Shame on you for even THINKING that bacon does not deserve such care and concern… before it gets tossed into a hot pan and cooked.

Hormel Black Label Bacon

Nothing makes a bacon lover happier than seeing bacon in the pan. Nope. Nothing. Bacon in the pan equals unparalleled euphoric bliss.

OK, we lied. Fresh cooked bacon in a bacon lover’s hand delivering it to the bacon lover’s mouth makes a bacon lover happier. Now on withthe show, please!

Hormel Black Label Bacon

This concludes another test of the Emergency Bacon Broadcasting Network. Had this been an actual bacon emergency a man in a shredded lab coat wearing a gas mask and jogging shoes would have kicked down your door and offered you three pounds of Hormel Black Label Bacon for the low, low price of… of… Well with prices that low we can’t tell you over the air! Why? ‘Cuz we’re insaaaaaaane!

Thank you Hormel Black Label Bacon! We love you!

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Bacon Wrapped… Kielbasa Links!

If the very thought of taking meat and wrapping MORE meat around it does not make your mouth water, did you hit your head recently or did you get abducted by a roving band of vegetarians who brainwashed the common sense right out of you? No offense to any vegetarians reading this — as if any would anyways!

So anyways, we saw bacon in the fridge and a pack of kielbasa links. Naturally after some quick mathematics, and a few cold beers, we put two and two together… and came up with six. See below.

Bacon Wrapped Kielbasa Links

Gorgeous little meaty bastards, ain’t they? Makes you wanna’ fire up the grill, crank up the oven, or break out the crack torch… and cook ‘em up nice and tasty like!

We apologize for the bad grammar in that last paragraph. Not really, but we figured some of you fools might actually think we care about things like… feelings. Look, pal, we love bacon, meat and more bacon. We have no time for your silly little… feelings.

Please accept our apologies for the lame attempt at an apology contained in the previous paragraph… even though we meant every word we said. Wrote. Whatever.

Can we PLEASE get to the cooked bacon wrapped kielbasa links now?

Bacon Wrapped Kielbasa Links

There you have it, folks… big wieners wrapped in a slimy pink salty and stretchy sheath.

WTF? Sorry for that last description. The bacon wrapped kielbasa links looked and tasted fabulous. We didn’t mean to gross anyone out.

Actually, yes we did. Can you tell we didn’t take our meds AND downed a fifth of vodka tonight? Ha ha…

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Review of Hormel Black Label Bacon

Welcome to another MoreBaconPlease.Com Bacon Review. This time we spotted a name brand bacon (Hormel Black Label) at a good price at the grocery store and just HAD to pick some up. Actually we picked up two packages, but shhhhh…. Don’t tell anyone.

We had long wanted to try the Hormel Black Label Bacon because it looked so good in its package but the steep prices stores charged always kept it from winding up in our shopping cart.

So anyways, we hopped home in a hurry to begin the bacon sampling ‘cuz our bacon instincts told us we would find this particular sampling quite enjoyable. We could hardly wait to rip off that plastic and view the Hormel Black Label Bacon in all its meaty glory!

Wow. Just LOOK at the nice, solid chunks of pink/red meaty streaks in this stuff. We definitely liked what we saw so far and thought, “Wow. This bacon will look GREAT in a pan!”

So naturally, like good little bacon lovers, we broke out the trusty frying pan and lined it with strips of our recently purchased meat strips. Seemed only right to us, ya’ know? Have Bacon, Must Cook!

Oh geez. In our haste to get to the end of this blog posting (where we stuff our faces with bacon) we forgot to mention a really cool feature of the Hormel Black Label Bacon: Its smell!

The bacon had a wonderful smoky aroma to it right out of the package. Now don’t get it twisted. We don’t mean the bacon smacked us in the scent catchers with a cheap, chemical smoke flavoring odor. OUR bacon smelled delightful. We picked up hints of hickory and a bit of molasses or something slightly sweet.

Now back to the bacon cooking… which we ought to have paid more attention to the first round. Oops. Apparently beer drinking and making fun of each other distracted us and the first batch came out a little, um, crispy.

Ha ha. Still tasted GREAT, though! We didn’t overcook it TOO badly and we paid a lot more attention the second batch we cooked.

This naturally brings us to the issue of ‘bacon grease generated after cooking 8 strips’. Some poeple don’t care about this statistic, but we do.

Why? Aside from disliking the feeling we get when hot bacon grease pops out of the pan repeatedly and onto our skin, we figure that more grease left in the pan after cooking means less material to put in our mouths.

So without further ado, please give a warm welcome to the grease left after cooking TEN pieces of Hormel Black Label Bacon. Why ten this time? Simple: We had room in the pan for one extra strip each round of cooking. Duh!

Yep. The Hormel Black Label Bacon cooked up deliciously and left a very respectably low amount of grease in the pan after ten pieces.

Conclusions:

We will buy this bacon again as long as the sale price stays in effect. It had a great meaty appearance in its uncooked state and gave off what we considered a ‘good’ and ‘authentic’ smoky aroma before cooking.

While cooking it didn’t generate a tone of bacon grease and yes, of course the whole house smelled like bacon during and after the cooking process. We never can get enough of that smell, either. Go figure.

Taste and texture of the Hormel Black Label socred quite highly with us. Good bacon meat flavor mixed with just the right amount of saltiness. We had plenty to chew on but the chewing never became tedious.

So in the end, we chose to give Hormel Black Label Bacon a score of 4 strips (out of five). Why only four? We think the product rocks, yes, but with its normal pricing as high as we have previously seen it, well, you figure it out.

Cheap bastards? Us? Yes! Paying too much for ANYthing, even bacon, will NEVER make sense to us.

Now can anyone loan us a few bucks so we can get a few slabs of bacon? We’ll gladly pay you next Friday for some bacon today… :)

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