Archive for category Cooked Bacon

A Bounty of Bacon-Wrapped Scallops

The other day a friend sent us a picture that made our mouths water more than normal. And yes, you dumbass, the picture had bacon in it.

Bacon Wrapped Scallops at Buck Ridge Plantation
Bacon Wrapped Scallops at Buck Ridge Plantation

Now just imagine getting a picture of a TROUGH filled w/ bacon-wrapped scallops — after you’d just finished eating a lame ass, generic brand hot dog. Granted the hot dog had a jacket of bacon, but still… Scallops trump hot dog ANY damn day!

WTF is Buck Ridge Plantation?

So glad you asked! Our friends tell us people travel from all over the SC area to go there, stay for a few days, and do some serious deer hunting… or they go there for a wedding. LOL.

Seriously, though. The place has a ton of natural, South Carolina wilderness surrounding well-maintained, modern banquet halls and stuff. Clearly an ideal place to have a beautiful wedding — or blast a hole in some of Mother Nature’s best woodland creatures — and kick back with a bucket of bacon-wrapped scallops and cold beer!

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Beautiful Bacon Makes for a Beautiful Sandwich

Everyone knows we love bacon and that we judge all things solely on their bacon content. OK, so not all things, but it almost sounded believable for a minute, right?

At any rate, when you go out for lunch and order a sandwich with bacon in it, you expect to get real bacon, not some lame excuse for bacon. Limp, greasy strips of mystery ‘meat’ need not apply!

So it should come as no surprise that we frequent a hot little lunch spot called Four Moons Internet Cafe in Orangeburg, SC because it has the best looking and tasting bacon of ANY lunch spot in the area. They use good quality Applewood Bacon and cook it just right so that you get a perfect crispiness-to-meatiness ratio when you bite into your sandwich.

Need proof? We thought you would, so we asked the proprietor to snap us a picture of the bacon they use before it goes on a sandwich. Check it out!

Four Moons Internet Cafe BaconGreat Lookin’ Applewood Bacon at Four Moons Internet Cafe

Damn… Judging by the amount of drooling going on right now, it seems as though lunch plans just got made for tomorrow! Hope to see ya’ there!

Advice for Other Lunch Shops:

  • See the bacon above? If you bacon doesn’t like as good or better, then your sandwiches will suck moose crap!

  • No deli should even consider calling itself ‘Gourmet’ unless they take as much care and concern for the quality of the bacon they top a sandwich with as they do all the other ingredients. No one cares about a sandwich made w/ fresh bread or a fancy mustard spread if the bacon sucks, ya’ dig?

  • A lot more people judge a deli by its bacon than you think. Know why? Because delis charge extra for it and 99.9% of people inthis world pay close attention to the things they have to pay extra for. Think about it!

  • Go have lunch at Four Moons Internet Cafe, enjoy your meal, and while you’re there… try learn a thing or two about the proper usage of bacon on a sandwich, will ya’?

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Most Popular Bacon Postings for December 2009

As would only make sense on a web site devoted to bacon and all its salty, meaty goodness… we will now present the most popular entries on More Bacon Please for the month of December. So get your bibs on, people! It’s BACON TIME!

  • Duck Prosciutto Wrapped Melon Sorbet — Talk about a delicious idea! Not bacon, no, but contained meat and tasted so good we gave it an Honorary Bacon Degree!

  • Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers — Groundbreaking new study ‘proves’ something we always suspected.

  • Have a Threesome With Bacon — Get your minds out of the gutter, people! You should feel ashamed that you had those dirty, dirty thoughts… though we had them, too, so…

  • Bacon Flavored Ice Cream — Although we do not approve of this product, we do approve of the word bacon in its title and on its ingredients list. We just refuse to eat bacon flavored ice cream.

  • The Better Bacon Sandwich — Time to decide which sandwich with bacon you would choose. Granted we think it a sin to EVER pass up a chance to eat bacon, but just pretend for a minute that you HAD to choose only on sandwich that had bacon on it… We said pretend, damn it!

And this entry gets honorable mention… ‘cuz WE liked it even if the rest of you didn’t!

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Question: The Better Bacon Sandwich?

OK, we have had it up to HERE with all these fast food restaurants and chain restaurants filling up the airwaves, billboards and television commercials with their “Five Dollar” and “Dollar Menu” specials. Give it up, guys… Seriously. We get it already.

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes up the components of a “Value Meal”, what grade of ingredients go into a “five dollar meal”, and/or how much better you could eat for just two or three more dollars if you gave your dining plans more though than simply recalling the last overplayed commercial you heard or saw and marching sheep to the slaughter?

Well obviously WE did think about that ‘cuz we wrote a blog posting about it after discovering that in a sleepy little town in Orangeburg, SC we can get a sandwich that looks and tastes far better than…

Five Dollar Sandwich... Looks Sad, Doesn't It?
Example of a ‘Five Dollar Special’ — Looks Kinda’ Sad, Right?

We won’t TELL you who made the sandwich above, but we feel confident you can figure that out on your own. If not, then no one, not even the God of Bacon Him or Herself can help you…

Oh, and did you even SEE any bacon on that sandwich? Nothing! Not even a small, salty sliver! Horifying! Absolutely horrifying!

Moving on, though, wouldn’t you rather stop into a place like Four Moons for lunch where you can get a sandwich like…

Four Moons Triple Decker Sandwich Has... Big Bacon!
Triple Decker Sandwich… Has Visible Bacon!

Now for just a few dollars more we can get a sandwich that has large chunks of meaty, salty, tasty bacon piled high. No brainer, right?

So to conclude, perhaps YOU ought to expand your culinary range and explore some of your local eateries so that you, too, can find your own Four Moons lunchtime feast… instead of eating another one of those bargain priced meals.

The old addage still rings as true today as it did 100′s of years ago: You Get What You Pay For!

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Bacon and the Biker Bombshell

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

Bacon and the Biker Bombshell

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Study Claims Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers

A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

Study Claims Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers

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Breakfast Looks Happy Today

In the past you have read how we save precious seconds in the morning by preparing bacon and other breakfast treats the night before. What you have NOT yet seen, though, may shock you.

Sometimes we get creative with the way in which we store the pre-cooked breakfast treats. Note: This usually happens after a long night of drinking… right before we head off to bed.

Breakfast Looks Happy Today

Judge us by our love of bacon and all its yummy friends and not by our art skills, please!

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Bacon Review: Pepper Coated Bacon

Like serial killers trying to relive the moment of their last kill, we have returned to the scene of the crime… and brought with us some black pepper coated bacon for the ride! So, so tasty!

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

The black pepper coated bacon that captured the attention of our tastebuds comes from WalMart… and it comes in 24 ounce packages instead of 12 or 16 ounce packages like most other brands.

After doing a little math, and comparison shopping, we discovered that the per ounce cost for the pepper coated bacon exceeds the per ounce costs of ‘regular’ bacon by only a few pennies and that it does not come anywhere near the (inflated!) per ounce costs of some ‘premium’ brands of bacon.

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

Bacon that looks great, smells great, cooks great, tastes great… and doesn’t break the bank. How can any rational bacon-loving person not love THAT?

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

Ever get shot at… by bacon? We have. Not so much with this kind of bacon, though. Yeah, sure, it takes a few cheap shots at you like ALL bacon does when it cooks, but at least THIS type of bacon has yet to put bacon grease stains two feet the wall behind the stove like several other types have.

Now substitute your face for the wall. Yes. Bacon grease can and will go after your face from time to time so always keep your guard up when cooking even the finest grade of bacon.

Black Pepper Coated Bacon

If the site of that bacon does not make you start drooling, you really ought to check your pulse. Seriously.

Now if you will please excuse us, we have to go and get us some bacon! All this talk about bacon has made us HUNGRY!

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Bacon Review: Plumrose Premium Bacon

We have never figured out for sure what makes a product ‘premium’, though we have noticed that things labeled as premium tend to cost more… so perhaps if you want something you manufacture to become ‘premium’, just raise the price, right?

Seems silly, and once more we digress from our intended topic… BACON!

Today’s bacon review features Plumrose Premium Bacon which normally comes with a pricetag that we don’t like… but we found it for a really great sale recently so here goes nothing!

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now that you have seen the packaging, which really did not inspire any feelings of bacon lust or bacon desire within our souls, we will now show you raw, naked bacon up close and personal. Parental discretion advised.

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Wow! Did you see the size of her… Huh? Oh, right. Gotta’ keep this PG-13. Ha ha.

So anyways, the bacon looked pretty damn good laying out all naked like that… so we just HAD to turn up the heat, ya’ know?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now who wants to see a ‘before and after’ picture featuring… bacon?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Verdict: We felt this bacon definitely lived up to its ‘premium’ labeling despite not costing us a week’s wages. It gave off a really good smell right out of the pack and cooked up relatively easily w/o shooting an excessive number of hot grease globs at us (see August 10, 2009′s Bacon Review: Fresh Market Bacon). We award Plumrose Premium Bacon 3.81 slices (out of 5) and suggest you try it next time it goes on sale.

Why wait for it to go on sale? Simple: Even bacon tastes better when you get it for less money, stupid!

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Bacon Review: Oscar Mayer Thick Cut

Gather around, folks, and get ready for another fascinating tale of wizardry, high-flying motorcycle stunts, bare knuckle brawling and… bacon. OK, so we lied about the wizardry, high-flying motorcycle stunts, and bare knuckle brawling.

At any rate, we had this particular bacon on our Bacon Radar for a long time before we actually got around to buying it. Why did it take so long? Simple: Pretty much every store always had the Oscar Mayer brand of bacon priced way too damn high for our budget… until now, obviously, and only ‘cuz Wal-Mart had it on sale.

So yes, indeed, folks, we will now get to live out our Oscar Mayer fantasy. Damn, that sounded perverted. Forget I said that.

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

We think too many people forget the importance of taking the time to select the correct package of bacon while in the grocery store. As we stand there comparing the marbling and colors found in each unique package at least two or three people (usually on the phone gabbing about useless crap) walk up, look for a particular brand or sale price, grab the first pack of bacon they see that fits their criteria, and head off to the next item on their shopping list.

Over the years we have hypothesized that the same people who haphazardly choose their bacon probably also park illegally in handicapped spots, run red lights at dangerous intersections, abuse puppies and kittens with frayed steel cables, cheat on their spouses with members of the same sex, and routinely watch primetime sitcoms about pregnant gophers bashing each other genitals with flaming phlegm balls.

People like that don’t DESERVE bacon! But I digress…

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

At first we feared that our eagerness to sink our fangs into the Oscar Mayer bacon would result in our giving an unfair, biased opinion about the product but worry not, friends, because we love bacon waaaaay too much to EVER steer you wrong… when it comes to bacon, at least. lol.

Don’t EVER ask us for advice on your love life, tax problems, car trouble or if that bathing suit makes you look fat… ‘cuz it DOES.

Geting back to the bacon, you could clearly see that we picked a prime package of bacon that day. Now you get to see what we saw when we put the bacon in the pan…

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

Wow. So meaty and so sexy laying in that pan getting all hot’n'bothered.

Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter, OK?

Now you can yell at us if you like for not posting a picture of the Oscar Mayer Thick Cut after cooking. We would LOVE to tell you that our Inner Bacon Beasts took over caused us to wolf down the meat as soon as it cooled down enough to get it into our mouths… but we can’t lie to you like that.

Pretty much right as we finished cooking the bacon a group of angry terrorist crackheads burst through the front door of our humble bacon-loving home and stole all of our electronic devices in the name of their leader, Prince Dookiepants the Terrbile from Toledo, Ohio. Before we knew what happened they had stolen everything and left us only with the clothes on our backs and the bacon on our stove.

After calling the Police from a neighbor’s phone we returned homwe to ur recently ransacked abode, sat around the kitchen table eating bacon and bitching about life.

Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon

OK, so we actually just plain and simple forgot to take pictures. OOPS.

The bacon tasted great, though, and cooked up really well. No lame, shriveled up scraps of meat and not a ton of grease left over after cooking 8 pieces, either. Pretty darn impressive, right?

Verdict: We awarded Oscar Mayer Thick Cut Bacon 4.5 strips (out of 5). What cost them that half a point? We got hungry and ate it… ‘cuz it tasted like bacon!

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