Archive for category Bacon Stories

Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns… We Had to Try It

Every once in a great while we get the urge to combine bacon with… pretty much anything we can get our hands on. This time we drank a few too many screwdrivers (that’s vodka and OJ… in case you didn’t know) BEFORE breakfast and thought, “Hey! Wrap the hashbrown thingies in bacon… and bake!”

“Yes, Sir, Captain Belvedere! That sounds like a GREAT idea!”

* burp *

Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns
Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns

The house started to smell pretty good as the slippery meat slowly drained its meaty juices into the hashbrowns and the hasbrowns drank up every drop.

Wow. That sounded pretty obscene.

But anyways, the cooking took place and soon we ventured back to the oven which we keep over near the fridge — the fridge that conveniently held the vodka and OJ. After doling out another round of 22 ounce pre-breakfast brain bashers and giving them a hearty taste test, we opened up the oven and saw…

Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns
Bacon Wrapped Hashbrowns

Needless to say we did not get the results we thought we would, but everything turned out OK in the end… ‘cuz it tasted fine and we had no choice BUT to eat the stuff since we had nothing else in the house worth eating and none of us could pass a sobriety test if we got pulled over.

All this before 9 AM. Saturdays ROCK!

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Pepper Bacon Wrapped Chicken Chunks

We write this blog entry for the REAL motherfroggers out there in Bacon Land… for the HARDWORKING bastards (like us) who just can’t seem to catch a break these days.

The other week we ran into some serious financial woes and found ourselves scrounging for change in the sofa cushions and having to actually plan our meals instead of just opening the fridge/freezer, picking a bacon, selecting a ‘side item’, cooking and eating.

Below you will see chicken breasts that we cut into smaller, no longer man-sized portions, and wrapped w/ a few slices of black pepper bacon we had left over from a previous bacon feast.

Pepper Bacon Wrapped Chicken Chunks
Pepper Bacon Wrapped Chicken Chunks

Though we did feel incredibly grateful that we at least had food to eat, making what you see in the photo last for 2 dinners and 2 lunches really sucked. Thankfully we had lots of crack cocaine to smoke between meals so we never felt any hunger pains. LOL.

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Most Popular Bacon Postings for December 2009

As would only make sense on a web site devoted to bacon and all its salty, meaty goodness… we will now present the most popular entries on More Bacon Please for the month of December. So get your bibs on, people! It’s BACON TIME!

  • Duck Prosciutto Wrapped Melon Sorbet — Talk about a delicious idea! Not bacon, no, but contained meat and tasted so good we gave it an Honorary Bacon Degree!

  • Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers — Groundbreaking new study ‘proves’ something we always suspected.

  • Have a Threesome With Bacon — Get your minds out of the gutter, people! You should feel ashamed that you had those dirty, dirty thoughts… though we had them, too, so…

  • Bacon Flavored Ice Cream — Although we do not approve of this product, we do approve of the word bacon in its title and on its ingredients list. We just refuse to eat bacon flavored ice cream.

  • The Better Bacon Sandwich — Time to decide which sandwich with bacon you would choose. Granted we think it a sin to EVER pass up a chance to eat bacon, but just pretend for a minute that you HAD to choose only on sandwich that had bacon on it… We said pretend, damn it!

And this entry gets honorable mention… ‘cuz WE liked it even if the rest of you didn’t!

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Bacon and the Biker Bombshell

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

Bacon and the Biker Bombshell

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Study Claims Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers

A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

Study Claims Breakfast Meats Cure Hangovers

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Diet Bacon Dew?

Do you have problems in the mornings that involve running out of time to sit down to a good, healthy breakfast? Do you frequently find yourself running around like a headless chicken as you scramble to get your oversleeping ass out the door and on your way to work?

If so, then you have probably had some interesting food items next to you on the front seat of your car before… kinda’ like the pic below, perhaps?

Diet Mountain Dew and Bacon for Breakfast

You, too, can experience a moment like we did if you cook the bacon the night before. Then simply hit ‘snooze’ too many times the next morning, run around trying to get ready for work in half the time you really need, grab the bacon and diet dew, and get on down the road.

Not the healthiest breakfast in the world, no, but it DOES contain bacon and caffeine… so shut the Hell up and enjoy!

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How Not to Cook Bacon

For most (rational) people, the idea of bacon not making sense does not compute. Square peg does not fit in the round hole and two plus two does not equal five, ya’ know what we mean?

So anyways, bacon equals bliss and we know of not one single time when bacon does not make sense. With that said, we DO know of an improper way to cook bacon, and naturally, we witnessed this near-calamity in our own home after a long night of drinking… and discussing bacon.

Do Not Cook Bacon This Way

While we do not know for sure if the person who began the bacon cooking process meant to lay this out and proceed with the cooking as shown or not, because they passed out on the balcony, we do know that this particular bacon situation would have resulted in a Bacon Disaster.

No one likes a Bacon Disaster. No one.

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Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System

One can hardly watch TV these days without seeing one of those commercials where a person’s front door gets kicked in by a wannabe home invader, the home security alarm goes off, and the chickensh!t bad guy runs away like a little sissy. Blakk Frogg cannot STAND those commercials.

Haven't You Ever Seen a Chicken Sh!t Before?

Well anyways, those commercials suck and they really don’t portray the REAL problem with home security these days. Yeah, sure, the poser of a bad guy took off like a beaten poodle when the alarm went off ‘cuz the goofball smashed the door in, but what about the bacon, huh?

Does an alarm go off when some terrible soul decides to raid the fridge during a house party? The poor bacon gets left to fend for itself — a real travesty.

Poor, poor bacon left to the mercy of strangers rummaging through the fridge looking for anything they can get their hands on…

Well not at Blakk Frogg’s house! He went and got him a Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System. Yep. His bacon has 24 hour protection whether in the fridge, on the counter, or just coming the front door from the store.

Weighing somewhere around 10 pounds, the Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System requires very little maintenance, operates if the power goes out (w/o batteries), and does not rely on some putz earning minimum wage in a ‘high tech call center’.

See below for a picture of Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System in standby mode.

Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System

So there you have it, all you bacon thieves. We DARE you to try and steal MY bacon! You’ll lose so much skin so fast that even Hannibal Lechter will say, “Whoa, sir. That’s a lot of skin!”

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No Time to Cook Bacon? No Problem!

Sometimes fate has a cruel sense of humor and finds a way to put distance between a person and what matters most in their life: Bacon.

Thanks to all the recent developments in Bacon Technology times like these no longer have to rob a person of the flavor they love. See below for an example of a real-life situation where a scientific bacon breakthrough can save your… bacon:

Example: You wake up later than usual one morning with a throbbing headache most likely caused by the… pollen and pollution in the air. All those imported beers or stiff drinks you had the night before (until 2 AM) had nothing to do with it.

You barely have enough time to shower, get dressed, and get out the door. Fortunately for you, though, you boiled some eggs the night before (while drunk) thinking you would have plenty of time to cook some bacon, sit down with a few eggs, have somewhat of a normal breakfast, and read the newspaper headlines.

Cancel THAT play, ya’ stinkin’ lush. Now you will have to eat the hard boiled eggs on the way to work or get in trouble for getting there late — again. You, my friend, have successfully screwed yourself out of bacon this morning.

Or have you? Maybe not! You’ll STILL have to eat the eggs on your way to work… but if you pour some bacon salt in the baggie with the eggs, and shake appropriately, you’ll get some bacon flavor in every bite!

Thank you, bacon salt, for saving the day! We love you!

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Bacon Found to Cure Depression

The other day I found myself in a ‘down and out’ kind of mood and just did not know what to do with myself — so I did nothing and laid around the house most of the day feeling sorry for myself.

On several occasions my girlfriend had tried to cheer me up by comforting me and all that good stuff, but for some reason I just couldn’t snap out of the funky rut in which my mind had gotten itself stuck.

Then, as a final and desperate attempt to bring me back from the Land of Despair, she slipped into… the kitchen and began cooking a few lonely strips of bacon.

Lonely Bacon Strips

Within seconds of smelling that wonderful smoky scent in the air I immediately perked up and asked, “Uh, dear? I think I smell some market bacon cooking. No complaints here, but what possessed you to cook bacon at this hour of the afternoon? That’s not like you.”

“I did it… for you,” she replied.

Damn… my heart melted like bacon grease on a hot stove.

note: This article has zero medical worth despite the fact that bacon kicks ass and takes names!

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